I think if someone I liked, liked someone else and was only with me because they couldn’t have the other person, I’d be really sad. But at the same time, I think I would accept it. Although, I’d only be with them if I knew for sure the other person was never gonna turn around and be like, “jk, I like you now!”

But I feel like… what if I fall in love with someone who I can never have, or never makes a move, and I never make a move, but someone else comes along who I like (not as much as the original person, of course) but enough to see something with them. Is it wrong to accept?

I’m going on a trip.

but anyway, this is about timing. I’m sure some of… who am I kidding, no one reads my crappy blog, that’s the way I like it.

I know other people have probably encountered this, too. It’s when you tell yourself, “I’m not going to worry about this person.” and then, after not hearing of them for a while, that’s the day they hear from them.

It’s kind of driving me crazy. I understand, and can level with so much.

My family is built on secrets.

I thought when I turned 18 that they’d all disappear.

I was so wrong.

Today I learned another big one. One that has boobytrapped my life. But in a good way? But if I halfway fail, it will be so bad. If I totally fail by the right time, it will be ok. If I pass, I’ll be ok. But semi pass is fail.

Today is confusing.

And so I know it must be.

Because nothing seems to turn out quite as I expect them.

Not to say they don’t still end up well, but just… never how I see them.

When it comes to myself, that is.

Today was crap tastic on so many levels.

Maybe later.

Anyway, it sucks.

Although I had fun with my aunt and Karo, I haven’t been doing well in school and it’s like, even if I try, it doesn’t matter.

I actually studied for an Anth test. I don’t normally study because I tend to do well enough to not need to study. I got a 70. The last test, I didn’t study and got a 75. SO now I have a C in the class. Which is ok, but now, I just found out that our friend who was supposed to take us to a field trip, the reason I didn’t sign up for the buss to take me, isn’t going this week. This week it’s free. I also don’t know if we’re aloud to go any other week. This is 30 points that I don’t want to miss. Honestly, I dunno what will happen without the 30 points. But seeing as my last test that I studied for was only a low low C, honestly, I don’t wanna risk it.

There’s also history. Our test schedule is really bizarre and I misread it so we had a test that I wasn’t expecting. I have no idea how I did on it, or the test before it. Probably not well. So now I”m scared about that, too. I’m actually going to study really hard for that test. Pay attention in class for once, no matter how freakishly hard it is. Only one test left, but there’s also a paper, so maybe I can redeem myself.

And then there’s Japanese. I have mixed feelings about this. Before I had a D and was afraid. But this was after I fucked up a test and (during the test) realized what I had done wrong, but she wouldn’t let me correct it. Luckly, (probably so she wouldn’t look like a bad teacher) she dropped our worst test and lowered the percent of each grade. So now my grade is (maybe) a C or at least a higher D. Honestly, I dunno.That’s another thing I have to study hard for, do the homework and of course, suck up. -___-

English I’m pretty chill about. My teacher’s awesome, the work is awesome, there’s no homework, quizes are so so, tests are managable. If I fail everything but this class, I won’t be surprised.

Anyway, the good bits.

I’m getting a job! Did I tell you? Granted, I won’t have very long to work (Only about 2 months unless I work summer) but it’s 9.50 and I’ll get at lest 10 hours in each week. If I do that untill the end of july, I’ll get $855 before taxes. Whichis sweet. Even if after tax it’s only like 6 something, still good. I’ll be able to afford CO. And then maybe if my friend’s and I don’t go on a trip this summer, I can go to Oreogon.

I can also start getting my phone up and running again so people will stop bitching to me about how I’m not contactable.

So I mean, this summer will rock, if I don’t fail anything. Or if I decide that I”m not taking summer school this summer to make up for it. Which I think if I do fail anything, it won’t be this summer that I re-take it. I’d have to check.

I just looked up classes for summer, Japanese isn’t taught and Anth/history both start july

DAMN my reading problems.

JUNE. They start June. Damn it. That reuins things.

= (

And I was happy.

Oh well.

Just don’t screw up.

It’s kind of an argument between writers.

Which is how I feel tonight.

I won’t go over what or who or whatnot, but I just have to say, be careful about making blanket statements. You can’t say things about other people like, “they don’t try” just because you see no results from them yourself. Even if you admit that you’re not trying, you can’t just say, “well see! They’re not trying.”

There’s a more specific idea that this covers, but I don’t wanna get into it, I don’t want it to be obvious.

I just know some people who have suffered trying to do the best the could only to have other people tell them that they didn’t try. So they punish themselves, push up their sleeves and work harder. It’s just not fair for them.

Anyway…

I had a good day filled with fake. Explain later, maybe.